I love the way my body gives me messages about my emotions. When my emotional needs aren't being met my lower back sends me a loud message (usually when I am feeling a lot of fear and trying to keep it together, i.e. not crying). My intestines are another good barometer. When I am tense food doesn't digest well and I get bloated and miserable after eating. There are lots of ways to look at these physical problems. We could talk about my back going out or candida or lactose intolerance or whatever. Right now, however, I am thinking about my body as a tool to help me take better care of myself. I find myself resistant to using labels for my physical health in the same way I have resisted using psychiatric labels for my emotional health. I want to think of myself as moving toward health rather than surviving pathology. This is all without denying what my particular needs are.
The three most important things for my physical health are: food, rest, and exercise. My personal program around food involves eating regularly, never skipping meals, and going easy on the caffeine and sugar, especially during stressful times. If I feel I am getting sick I immediately make a big pot of organic chicken soup. (Something about chicken soup is very comforting.) I throw in some organic carrots, broccoli, garlic, and onions, cayenne (full of Vitamin C), and various herbs. I always make extra and freeze it so next time I can go straight to the freezer. Then I dose up on the Vitamin C and usually fight it off. Home cooked meals are healthier and cheaper than eating out, but sometimes I can't bring myself to cook for just me. At these times I need to find someone to eat with, either at their house or mine. When I am extremely stressed, cooking is too difficult and I need to eat out, again preferably with company. My economical eating out menus include: Tai food, Chinese food, or burritos. I try to eat lunch out because usually it's the same meal as dinner, only priced cheaper and I usually have enough to take home for another meal later.
Rest is really important and is the most difficult one for me to master. I don't have any trouble going to sleep, but often wake up early in the morning, and have difficulty getting back to sleep. I used to get up and start cleaning the house or organizing my papers. More recently I am taking a more relaxed approach. I turn on some soft lights, put on soothing music, and often pick up one of my many children's picture books and read myself a story. I try to notice what my body is feeling when I wake up in the night. Often I get on the floor and stretch and move or take a hot bath to relax and warm up my cold toes. Sometimes a cup of warm herbal tea helps too. The most important thing is to stay calm about the fact that I am not sleeping through the night, reminding myself that I will eventually get to sleep and in the meantime think of additional ways to take care of myself.
Exercise is important for my body. My particular body likes to stay in motion. I have joined the YMCA, with the help of financial aid and make generous use of the pool, sauna, and hot tub. I also bicycle, kayak, and like to take walks. I try to exercise while having fun and relaxing. I like to exercise hard, but I also want to make sure I don't drive myself or use the fact that I haven't done any hard exercise recently as a way to beat up on myself. I don't like to exercise for the sake of exercise which is why I exercise outdoors. Taking a hike with a friend or combining birdwatching and kayaking is a lot more fun than doing laps in a pool. On the other hand, sometimes I do my best thinking while swimming at the pool so moderation is the key for me.
After taking care of my physical health comes getting emotional support. The most important part of emotional support for me is connection. Connection can take many forms. The crucial one is connecting to other people and making sure I get listened to daily. Connection can involve spending time in nature, communicating with children, babies, animals. Basically I need to have experiences which let me know I am not alone. I need to feel I belong to a family or community of people. Today's fast paced technological society values profit over people, resulting in tremendous alienation. Consequently, I don't always find it easy to notice I am loved and important to others. When I am having a really hard time I ask friends to remind me what they like about me and why I am special. We don't have permission to ask for strokes because we are told to be humble, modest, and focus on others. At the same time we are supposed to magically have high self esteem. I have an internal critic which likes to get on a soapbox when I am under stress. My internal critic and external stress together can create a downward spiral if I am not careful. During hard times I double up on the people support. I cry on friends' shoulders (literally) and ask for verbal appreciation, cuddles, and hugs. Safe, non-threatening, physical contact is an important part of my healing and maintaining emotional health. Another aspect of maintaining my emotional support is making sure I get enough play. By play I mean non-goal oriented nurturing activity which gives me pleasure. Like connection, play can look many different ways. Some of my favorite play activities include browsing in bookstores, thriftstore shopping, swinging at a playground, petting animals in pet stores (since I can't have pets where I currently live), doing art activities, and reading children's books. I enjoy all of the above activities more if I am able to do them with a friend, but the important thing is to do them even if I am alone.
If I make sure I am putting attention on my physical needs and my emotional health by getting plenty of support then my self-help program results in moving through the current crisis and coming out the other side actually stronger. I prefer to view my crisis as breakthroughs in healing rather than breakdowns. When I take good care of myself as if I were the most important child (even though I am in my forties) in the whole world, then I find myself growing stronger, healthier, and happier.
-Kris Yates, Fall 1997